Archive for November, 2011

Fear

This is from a prompt from Russian Modes class – write about fear without ever naming the emotion.

Fear

What I need is sleep. What I have is coffee. But even that will run out, lose its effect and effectiveness. I add hot water to my cup. Because you can’t go home again and I want nothing more from anyone except time. Which is lost by spending five to ten hours horizontally, eyes closed, ever night. Were my finger nails always this long? Your skin draws back – away from your nails – under very specific circumstances. You need to stop breathing. Ah, that’s something I’ll miss! I put away all the scraps of red fabric that I could find, in case Mythbusters was wrong, and the matador’s cape still surprises.

I am a series of impulses and systems of cells working in concert for an instant, sixty years, a hundred. Some whackadoo cartoon train where the Clarence Cows and Huckleberry Hounds rock back and forth, side to side, the whistle screams white steam and the furnace belches smoke. If I really stop making sense, you’ll know I’ve fallen asleep. Wake me. Please.

When I started staying awake, I figured that it would be good for getting more done in my day. I planned to do it occasionally to boost my productivity. Creativity takes time. I write well in the middle of the night. At least, at that hour, it seems like it.

Obviously it didn’t stay that way. My stomach aches. It roils with every sip. I have set myself up halfway between the bathroom and kitchen. I do not miss sleeping – I miss waking up. With the extra time, I have been able to renovate my apartment. None of the colour scheme is restful. I have more clean socks than ever before. My bathroom is mildew-free. It sparkles.

Actually, I have a glut of time. Actually, I have been able to live three lives in the time that most people don’t even live a half of one. Actually, it’s fantastic. I am the life of the party (the three lives). My friends and I spend so much time together that we are heartily sick of each other. I have made them Christmas and birthday presents enough for the next five years.

I am lying. In actual actuality, I spend most of my time in the bathroom. I also clean the coffee machine with vinegar twice daily. I spend most of the money that I earn on creamers, Coffee Mate, coffee, sugar, filters. When coffee is your drink of choice – the only drink – a little variety is nice.

Everything is wonderful. Everything is wonderful. I have so much time. All I have is time, and coffee. I like coffee. It has liberated me from the lost hours of the night. I am nocturnal and I am diurnal. I am noctodiurnal. I have lived three lives. I have the nicest recipes for everything because I have tried them all and you will be so envious of my Halloween costume and of my origami techniques and I can solve every Sudoku ever in under a minute because I know them all and I will rock you at Playstation if you just give me the chance to take a sip of my coffee please it’s getting cold.

 

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